Miroku's Hand
by DarkInuHanyou
Summary: A repost of my old ff I took off. I edited some parts, and kinda dulled the cussing, but the story and format is the same. Rated T for language and situations.
1. Chapter 1

ZOMGWTF! It's… MIROKU'S HAND! REPOSTED:dies:

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Miroku's Hand- Chapter 1

Miroku: KAZAANA!

A giant oni flew through the air, sucked into, well, we'll get to that, hence the name.

Miroku: Phew! That was a big one!

Kagome: Yay! I'm saved!

Inuyasha: (Bonks Miroku on top of his head) Feh. I coulda done that.

Miroku: Oh really? Then why didn't you?

Inuyasha: (Bonks Miroku several more times then leaves in a huff) Feh.

Kagome: Inuyasha?

Inuyasha: Yea?

Kagome: Is "Feh" a word?

Inuyasha: You know, I really haven't looked into that.

Kagome: sigh :

Inuyasha: Kagome, can I have some ninja food now!

Kagome: sigh : We just stopped for lunch!

Inuyasha: B-But, Kagome!

Kagome: Inuyasha…

Inuyasha: (With a look of terror on his face) K-Kagome? No! Don't!

Kagome: Inuyasha, SIT BOY!

Inuyasha: (Thump) Kagomewhydidjahavetagoandothat? (Sounded like: kagmfoewhdidjgahavteodothatgsg?)

Miroku: (Gropes Sango) : sigh : Why can't we be such a nice couple, my dear Sango?

Sango: (Slap) HENTAI: sigh : When will he ever learn, I don't like my BUTT rubbed?

Miroku: (gets knocked unconscious)

Inuyasha: blush : Who's a COUPLE! (Vein pop times five)

Kagome: blush : Y-Yea, who's a couple here?

Miroku: (Wakes up) Whuh? (Gets conked on head by inu and goes unconscious again and anime falls)

Inuyasha: Damn pervert, can't even do it right. (reaches towards Kagome)

Kagome: (Blushes then realizes everyone is looking at her, then slaps inu) HENTAI!

Inuyasha: (anime falls) _THOUGHT- erm, I'm kinda new to this whole "thinking" thing, but, did Kagome blush?_

Random voice in inu's head: Yes, she did.

Inuyasha: (out loud) WHAT THE FREAK?

Kagome: SIT BOY!

Inuyasha: (thump) whydoesshedothistome?

Kagome: Do not talk that way around a sober lady! Much less two sober ladies, and a pervert!

Miroku: Drooling :

Sango: SLAP : HENTAI! (inside head secretly drooling) : Accidentally mutters out loud : Clean white sheets, clean white sheets, Miroku in the sheets, oh sit, I mean shit.

Inuyasha: THUMP : howthehelldidshedothat?

Kagome, Shippo, Miroku: How the hell?

Sango: Oh! Hmm? Hehehe : Evil death glares inu : S-

Kagome: THAT'S MY JOB BITCH! (Cat fights with Sango, 'till Sango gets Hiraikostu) NOOOOOOOOO!

Sango: VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!

All the guys in the group except Shippou: Ooh, did her shirt rip? Yep it ripped. Is that lace? Oooh, fancy.

Shippou: -- I don't know them.

Kagome: INUYASHA! HELP!

Inuyasha: Looks away from Sango's chest : Oh, yea, right, umm, Sango, get off Kagome.

Kagome: SIT:Bites Sango :

Sango: Bites back, drawing blood :

Inuyasha: Thump : whydidshedothatiwashelpingher!

Kagome: (Now jabbing Sango with an arrow) Get offa ME!

Sango: NO! (Now polka-dotted in punctures)

Miroku: (Thinking dirty thoughts)

Kagome: (Knocks out Sango with random giant mushroom) I won! This mushroom smells weird, yet good. (Keeps sniffing mushroom)

Miroku: (poking unconscious Sango in various places) Whuh? Oh! The mushroom, right!

Everyone but unconscious Sango: (Still sniffing mushroom)

An hour later

Sango: (Wakes up) Whuh? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING?

Rest of group: Flargenhargenflishnapplegnifulnobot!

Kagome: (Jumps on Miroku's back) Ride'em cowmiko! Hi-Ho Silvia!

Inuyasha: (Keeps going around on all fours sniffing everyone's butt, then barking and chasing invisible tail)

Shippou: (Talking to a random boulder in Italian)

Miroku: (Acting like a horse with Kagome on back, on all fours)

Sango: Sweat drop and sigh :

Kagome: (Pulls rosary out of shirt and puts on Shippou) Okay, the word of subdoingnessness is "Inuyasha" and anyone can do it! KUKUKUKUKU! I'm the evils!

Sango: (Evil death glare) Inuyasha!

Shippou: (Thump into boulder) : In Italian:- My dear Boulderizia! Are you hurt? Sango, YOU SHALL BE SMITED! SMITE HER ALL MIGHTY INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN, MOTHER/FATHER/SISTER OF ALL SMITTEDNESS!

Sango: Sigh : Why me?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still don't own Inuyasha, the evils of a thousand Kikyous.

I owe some of this to my editor-sama, Inuzrule. She has a special place at the bottom of my closet.

NOW! ON WITH THE SHOW!

Miroku's Hand- Chapter 2

Sango: sigh : Why me? (Pulls out flonase and sprays in everyone nose)

Inuyasha: (In the midst of sniffing up Miroku's butt) Hmm? What smells like flowers? Urk! (Looks up to see Miroku staring at him then falls back anime style)

Miroku: (clears throat) Inuyasha, I'm shocked! Why didn't you tell me this earlier?

Inuyasha: (Grabs Tessiga) KAZE NO KIZU!

Miroku: (Gets cut into thirds)

Sango: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kagome: Inuyasha! Sitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsit!

Inuyasha: (Half dead somewhere near center of the earth)

Fluffy: (appears out of nowhere with tenseigua and fixes Miroku then leaves)

Miroku: Whuzzuwha?

Sango: MIROKU! You're OKAY! (Huggles houshi-sama)

Miroku: (Starts to drool on Sango) Ch-Ch-Chichis! Mmmmmmmm, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw. (Puff-puff)

Sango: (Blushes 'till blood starts to leek from every pore on her face) AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Inuyasha and Kagome: o0

Shippo: MY EYES! THEY BURN!

Kagura: (Pops out of nowhere) OBEY THE CHIPMUNK LORD! (Disappears)

Group: O-kaaaaaay.

Inuyasha: Ahem

Rest of group: Yes?

Inuyasha: What? I just had to clear my throat.

Rest of group: --0

Sango: HENTAI! (Thwacks Miroku with Hiraikostu)

Miroku: What did I do?

Sango: I know what you where thinking about Jakken! I'm psycho!

Kagome: Don't you mean "Psychic"?

Sango: No.

Kagome: --0

Inuyasha: TIME FOR RAMEN!

Kagome: Sit!

Inuyasha: (Thwack) youwench!

Sango: Hentai! (Slaps Miroku after she placed his hand on her butt)

Miroku: Why did you do that?

Sango: Do what?

Miroku: Slap me after YOU put MY hand on your butt.

Sango: GASP! Houshi-sama! I would never do such a thing! (Sob)

Miroku: There, there Sango-sama! I would never get mad at such a face! (Gropes Sango)

Sango: (blushes) Giggle Hearts Stars! (Sits in Miroku's lap)

Miroku: (Blush) My dreams come true!

Kagome and Inuyasha (Shippou is asleep): o0()

Sango: Hey, Darling?

Miroku: You mean me?

Sango: Who else?

Miroku: Yes?

Sango: Where exactly does your kazaana lead?

Miroku: I don't know.

Kagome: Why don't I go home, bring a camera, and throw it in there?

Miroku: Okay, what is a camera.

Kagome: A device that captures you sort of in a film that can record blahblahblahblahblah…

Everyone else: zzzzzz

Kagome: I'll be back in the morning!

Inuyasha (Still asleep): no. (Grabs Kagome, but not her arm.)

Kagome: (Blush) Erm, um, sit.

Inuyasha: HJREWJAHFSDOYFEUTIGADJGF!

Everyone else: zzzzzz

Kagome: Giggle Hearts Stars! (Jumps in well)

Kagome's Time

Kagome: MOM! I'M HOOME!

Mom: Hi! You're here early!

Kagome: Yea, I just gotta get somethin'!

Grandpa: I hope you didn't do anything with Inuyasha! You smell weird.

Kagome: SIIIIIT! Oops, gomen, natural reaction. Hehehe.

Souta: Where's Inuyasha?

Kagome: Asleep back in the sengoku jedai.

Souta: Really? Who's that hanging off your backpack?

Kagome: (Sees inu hanging off backpack, still asleep) WTF! SIT!

Inuyasha: (THWACK!) WTF! Oops, sorry Mrs. Higurashi.

Mom: No prob!

Kagome: Since when did you get on my backpack?

Inuyasha: I dunno, I was asleep. (Something rustles in his hair) What The-?

Shippou: (Pops out of inu's hair) YAWWWWWWWWWN! Kagome! Where am I?

Kagome and co.: o0()

Shippou: WOW! Am I in your time?

Kagome: (Nods) Bu-But how did you get through the well?

Shippou: I dunno.

Kagome: But I thought only Inuyasha and me could.

Inuyasha: No one else really tried, did they?

Kagome: No. Oh, hehehe.

Rest of group: (Anime Fall)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I still don't own it.

Miroku's Hand- Chapter 3

Inuyasha: So you haven't even THOUGHT of seeing if anyone else could go through?

Kagome: Umm, no.

Kagome's mom, Souta, and gramps: (Sweat drop)

Inuyasha: You really are stupid, aren't you?

Souta: YOU KNOW IT!

Kagome: Souta… (eerie silence)

Inuyasha: (whispers to Souta) She might S-I-T you!

Kagome: I can't do that to him.

Inuyasha: LUCKY LITTLE BUTT!

Souta: GASP!

Kagome: SIT BOY!

Inuyasha: (Was bending slightly over Souta) (THUMP) Ow.

Souta: (Half Dead under inu)

Kagome: Oops.

Kagome's mom: Souta. Can you hear me?

Kagome: (now holding souta's hand) Squeeze once for yes, twice for no!

Souta: …

Inuyasha: Feh! (Now sitting on couch, drinking Coke)

Gramps: Is your tail real? (Poke Prod)

Shippou: Hai, Please stop.

Inuyasha: That's what you get; they still haven't stopped for me. (Looks up to see kag's mom tugging on ears)

Kag mom: But they are so KAWAII!

Inuyasha: (Sigh) Why me?

Kagome: Cause.

Inuyasha: Who asked you?

Kagome: You did now, so-

Inuyasha: NO! NOT THE EVIL WORD OF PAIN!

Kagome: Sit.

Souta: …

Shippou: Ha-Haw

Inuyasha: Bastard.

Kagome: Inuyasha-

Shippou: THUMP!

Kagome and co.: WHUH!  
Naraku: (Appears)

Everyone: GASP!

Naraku: When you sniffed the mushrooms of eternal giggle, you put a rosary on Shippou. Now whenever you, or anyone, says Inuyasha (pauses)

Shippou: THUMP!

Inuyasha: (Stifles laughter)

Shippou: (Death glare)

Naraku: He goes…He goes…He goes…

Kagome: He goes…?

Naraku: I'm creating tension! He goes…He goes…

-3 hours later-

Naraku: (On top of lungs) KABLOOEY!

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!

Kagome: TO THE BUNKER NOW! THE NAZIS ARE ATTACKING AGAIN!

Inuyasha: NO! THE MONEY CHOPPER PEOPLE!

Money chopper people: COME AND LET US CHOP YOUR MONEY! KUKUKUKUK!

Naraku: HEY! KUKUKU IS MY THING! NOT YOURS! DIE! FEAR MY BLEACHED BABOON FURY!

M.c.p: BWAHAHAHAHA! MONEY CHOPPERS, UNITE! (Turn into giant yen symbol laser shooting kangaroo)

Naraku: COME MY TURNIP GREENS, WE SHALL FEAST!

Everyone else: (Sweat drop)

(They fight for 3 more hours everyone else is now eating popcorn and barbecue chicken wings, like at the superbowl)

Naraku: Come my turnip greens, we have fought well, but we cannot defeat the might of the kangaroo.

Turnip greens: Awwww, why.

Naraku: We shall feast on sake mist!

Turnip greens: YAY!

Everyone else: o0()

Inuyasha: Did I hear sake mist?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I still don't own it, yet. Fear the turnip greens!

Miroku's Hand- Chapter 4

Inuyasha: I WANT SAKE!

Kagome: Oi.

Shippou: What's sake?

Kagome: Well, it-

Inuyasha: ITSTHEBESTTHINGINTHEWORLDTHESMELLTASTEEVERYTHINGALLSOGOOD!

Shippou: o0()

Kagome: Yeah, what he said.

Mom: YOUNG LADY! AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THIS?

Kagome: You don't disagree with a demon. Full or not.

Mom: Why not, does he hurt you? (Death glare to inu)

Kagome: MOTHER! NO! He just has his "moments"

Inuyasha: (Sniffs the air) RAMEN!

Kagome and co.: o0()

Inuyasha: (Now trying to figure out how to pick up the boiling water, Kagome never taught him that) DAMN IT!

Kagome: SIT!

Inuyasha: (Gets sat, landing on the pot, causing it to pour all over his head)

Everyone else: BWAHAHAHAHA!

Inuyasha: Wench. You're gonna pay! (Grabs glass of water, chases Kagome, then pours all over her)

Kagome: You evil, vile, retched little beast!

Inuyasha: Kagome, I'm hurt. (Sarcastically)

Kagome: SIT!

Inuyasha: Thump

Souta: …

Inuyasha: (Runs away from Kagome) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Runs into candy/cookie shelf) What's this?

Kagome: Not my POCKY!

Inuyasha: pocky? (Tastes) POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCKKKKKY! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE POOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Mom: is this one of his "moments"?

Kagome: sadly.

Inuyasha: (Panting. Face covered in chocolate and cookie bits. Deranged look in his eyes.) NEED MORE POCKY.

Kagome: Erm, I'm just gonna go and jump off a cliff now.

Inuyasha: DON'T YOU MEAN GET MORE POCKY!

Kagome: Yea, Yea! Umm, milk, almond, original, what flavor?

Inuyasha: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYY!

Kagome: (Backs out of room)

Mom: Want some ramen?

Inuyasha: Yes please Mrs. Higurashi!

Mom: My, you're polite now.

Inuyasha: Your unpleasant comment, madam, takes me aback.

Mom: Chicken flavor?

Inuyasha: Yes madam, it is my favorite of the flavors. Please if you would be so kind as to make me two?

Mom: sure.

Inuyasha: three?

Mom: sure

Inuyasha: The ramen factory?

Mom: maybe not that much.

Inuyasha: I WANT MY FRICKIN' RAMEN NOW!

Mom: AIIEEEEEEEEEE!

Souta: …

Inuyasha: HAND OVER ALL OF YOUR RIGHT SOCKS OR THE MICROWAVE GETS IT!

Mom: okaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Inuyasha: NOW!

Mom: (Gets all socks off everyone's right foot) Here!

Inuyasha: Why, milady, have you brought me such a gift as under garments?

Mom: they're socks, like you asked.

Inuyasha: please remove them from my presence.

Mom: yes, fine.

Inuyasha: I WANT THE SOCKS! OR THE MICROWAVE GETS IT!

Kagome: (comes in with a box of pocky)

Inuyasha: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYY!

Kagome: mom, has he been trouble?

Mom: no dear.

Kagome: c'mon Inuyasha, lets go back. I got the camera.

Inuyasha: Feh. Fine.

Kagome: bye mom!

Mom: bye dear!

Kagome: bye Souta.

Souta: …

Kagome and Inuyasha: (Jump down the well)

Kagome: We're BACK!

Inuyasha: wtf?


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha

Miroku's Hand- Chapter 5

Inuyasha: Oh. My. Frikkin'. God.

Kagome: MY EYES! AAAH! THEY BURN!

Jakken: (rapping in gangsta clothes) A grunge hamster becomes more mature and accompanied by a lobster of revenge! Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Sango and Miroku are lying on the ground kinda foaming at the mouth)

Jakken: Escape from the sinking! Do you see what I mean! Freedom beats the kingdom! And I saw you in my dream! OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Inuyasha is now banging his head on a nearby tree, making a dent in it)

Inuyasha: MAKE (BAM) IT (BAM) STOP!(BAM) AAAAAAAAAAAH!(BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM)

Kagome: I guess it's time to…KARAOKE! WOOHOO!

-Random singing-

Jakken: No more sing-sing? But I like sing-sing!

Fluffy: Jakken, come on. You can sing after we get to the lake. I might join you. Okay? Buddy?

Jakken: Okay, Sesshy-sama.

Fluffy: And we can't forget our mushroom. Okay, little buddy?

Jakken: Can I sleep in your fluffy?

Fluffy: Only if you can get in there, I store my makeup there.

Jakken: Dress up! Wee!

Inuyasha: O-kaay. I'm a little freaked out.

Kagome: Wha? I must have been lost in happy thoughts, no wonder there aren't naked photos of you that I took while you were coming out of the hot spring last week. Oh, oh shit.

Inuyasha: O-kaay. WAIT! WHAT NAKED PICTURES! LET ME SEE!

Kagome: I guess. (Rummages through pack and finds the pictures.)

Inuyasha: (Looks at them) These are just like the ones I took while at your time! Oops.

Kagome: (Blush) I'm flattered, yet somewhat disturbed.

Inuyasha: I'm confused.

Kagome: Figures.

Inuyasha: Feh.

Kagome: where's Shippou?

Inuyasha: I dunno, last time I saw the runt he went up to your room.

Kagome's time-

Shippou: HELP ME! I FELL IN THE POT THINGY! IM ALL WET! MY TAIL'S STUCK! HELP ME! (Sob sob sob)

Feudal era-

Inuyasha: oh well, the runt must be asleep.

Kagome: What should we do about Miroku and Sango?

Inuyasha: Leave them be, I just gotta do something real quick. (Places them in a perverted position) There.

Kagome: Inuyasha!

Inuyasha: Not the evil word of pain!

Kagome: I can't wait to see their faces!

Inuyasha: Me neither!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha

New key of keyness:

**This** Sound effect  
_This_ Thought  
This Speech  
This Action  
-This- Setting, time, or mini-scene

Miroku's Hand- Chapter 6

-Modern era-

Slosh, slosh, sob 

Kagome's Mom- Looking upstairs What's that noise?

Shippou- I'M STARTING TO PRUNE! **Sob, sob**

-Feudal era-

Sango- Uhn… Wakes up What happened? Grabs head

Miroku- Wakes up and sees his position WHAT THE FLIP! I got lucky with SANGO AND I DON'T REMEMBER IT! **Sob**

Sango- Jumps up Say WHAT!

-Inuyasha and Kagome are off in a corner giggling-

Miroku- Fetal position Whyyyyyyyyy!

Sango- _What in the seven hells would make me do that? Wait… I'm still in my clothes… KAGOME! _

-Kagome and Inuyasha regain their composure, walking innocently into the camp-

Kagome- Hey guys! Gives Miroku and Sango a quizzical look Why are you both blushing…?

Inuyasha- Smug look Yeah, did something happen while we were away? Wink, wink

Sango- Kagome! Can I talk to you for a minute? Looks at Miroku and Inuyasha ALONE?

Kagome- Nervously Ehehehe, s-sure…

Sango- Drags Kagome into the forest

-With Miroku and Inuyasha-

Miroku- Why?

Inuyasha- Why what?

Miroku- Why did you get me SO drunk I'd **cough** Sango?

Inuyasha- I did WHAT?

Miroku- I know you did, and that's why I challenge you to a… DUEL! **Pulls out Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards**

Inuyasha- Haha! So that's the way you like it, huh? **Pulls out cards** I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE, MONGOOSE LORD!

-With Kagome and Sango-

Kagome- Pulls away from Sango's doom-grasp WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Sango- I know what you did last summer!

Kagome- GASP! No!

Sango- It was you in the library with the WANNA FANTA? DO YA WANNA? WANNA FANTA?

Kagome- Bu-but, HOW! How did you know I wanted a Fanta?

Sango- Like I've said before, I'm psycho.

Kagome- Oh, yeah! Back in chapter two!

Sango- SHUSH! Grabs Kagome, covering her mouth Remember! We're not SUPPOSED to know we're in a fanfic! It's a hushie!

Kagome- Oh yeah! My bad. I guess I won't be needing this script then. Whips out script, lighting it on fire

Sango- Uh-Oh… You did NOT just do that.

Kagome- What's gonna happen? A special appearance by some other anime character?

Sango- GASP! How did you know?

Kagome- Know what?

Sango- THE CURSE OF THE CROSSOVER!

Kagome- It's happened to me a lot!

Sango- Really?

Kagome- Yep, it should appear right about… 


End file.
